Hitting Pause and Creating Space with Angela Lussier

“[I decided] I’m going to take a break from trying to force things to happen, and to force myself to build a business during a time when everyone is pretty exhausted, struggling, and trying to reinvent and rethink what they’re doing. I just hit pause.” - Angela Lussier 

Today I am doing something a bit different for the podcast, but it’s a conversation that I feel women entrepreneurs are not having often enough. You’ll meet a very successful woman who is open and honest about the challenges she faced in her life and business since the start of the pandemic, the crossroads she found herself at, and the profound lessons that she’s learned along the way.

Angela Lussier started off as a self-described “shy girl” and is now an award-winning professional speaker, six-time author, two-time TEDx presenter, and entrepreneur. After starting a career consulting business in 2009 with no marketing budget, Angela decided to offer free workshops to become known in her field. In her first year of business, she gave hundreds of presentations, published her first book, spoke at TEDx, and started to receive calls from corporations and conferences asking her how much she charged to speak. This launched her into a speaking career she never expected to have.

Today, Angela is the founder of the Speaker Sisterhood, one of Boston’s Best Speakers and she hosts Claim the Stage, a public speaking podcast for women. 

As you’ll hear, Angela has grown so much over the last year, and it was so refreshing to hear someone who has achieved so much share a behind-the-scenes look at what’s happening in her life. If you think that you are alone in struggling at this time, you’re really not. This episode is an eye-opener, and proof that each one of us is worthy. We just need to remember that it is ok to hit pause to enjoy the things in life that really matter.

Connect with Angela: https://speakersisterhood.com/ 

Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE wherever you listen to podcasts!

Are you a service-based business who wants to build your brand and get booked solid? Learn how podcasting helped Laura do that over at: podcastbrandlab.com

What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

• The crossroads Angela recently found herself at, and the current events that left her wondering how to keep her business going [6:47]
  
  
• A big pivot she decided to take late last year, and what left her most disappointed in this transition [9:18]
  
  
• Why Angela decided to “hit pause” and the reasons it was so uncomfortable at first for her to do this [11:53]
  
  
• A time I left my own personal brand out of my control, and the lessons I learned from this experience [15:06]
  
  
• How her audience responded when she got real and had an honest conversation with them about her struggles [18:17]
  
  
• The ways that Angela is finding more joy in her life by pausing [19:31]
  
  
• What’s being created in her life and business through this transition and time of loss and chaos [24:43]
  
  
• Why our worth isn’t tied to how hard we work or how much we do [27:53]
  
  
• How Angela faced a fear of being “left behind” an has personally thrived as a result [32:12]
  
  
•  Her best advice for others facing uncertainty right now [36:52] 

Additional Links & Resources:

Angela’s

Transcript

Angela Lussier: 0:00

Like, I'm going to take a break from trying to force things to happen and force myself to build a business during a time when everyone is pretty exhausted. Everyone is struggling everyone is trying to reinvent and rethink what they're doing. And just like hit pause.

Laura Khalil: 0:17

Welcome to brave by design. I'm your host, Laura Khalil. I'm an entrepreneur, coach and speaker. I love thinking big, exploring the power of personal development and sharing the best strategies from thought leaders and pioneers in business to empower ambitious women and allies to bravely rise and thrive. Let's get started. Hey, friends, it's me Laura Khalil. And I want to pop into this episode. Before we begin with a few announcements. And the first is that I want to give you all a big thank you for listening to the show, writing your incredible reviews, and sharing your favorite episodes and aha moments with your friends. That has meant so much to me. And every time I hear from you, every time I see something on Instagram, oh, man, it just warms my heart, I'm so glad that you find the show helpful. And it means a lot, you know, the show launched in January 2020. And, you know, it was, as you're going to hear in this episode, my idea to help build my speaking career, which obviously, didn't quite happen with the onset of the pandemic. And hearing from you seeing your reviews and feeling Your love has meant so much to me. Today's episode is very, very timely for a number of reasons. But the biggest one is because what you're going to hear today is about kind of like the stuff we never talk about as business owners. It's really about the challenges. It's about the realness behind owning a business during this pandemic. And the shifts that I've had to go through in the shifts that our guests today have also gone through this is perhaps one of the most vulnerable conversations I think I've ever had on air with a guest. It's very open, it is really no holds barred, you're going to see how the sausage is made, so to speak. And, you know, unlike a lot of our episodes, we didn't record this thing. While here's what you do, when you don't know what to do. We, you know, I'd love to provide you with actionable advice, but sometimes we don't know what to do. And so the only thing we can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving ahead, which is certainly what I tried to do and what our guest is doing as well. So you're going to hear these really intimate portrayals today, of what it is like to be a business owner during this pandemic, and the transitions that it has involved and the challenges that it has brought. And the uncertainty. And I'm bringing this up, because brave by design is going through a big transition right now. This is actually our last episode, before we go on break, I don't want you to worry or go anywhere, because we're still going to share some goodies along the way for when we relaunch. But things are going to be looking a little bit different. And I will be sharing more of that, as we approach the relaunch of the show. So a few things I want you to know one, if you are not already following us on Instagram, that is the place to be you're gonna want to go to at I am brave by design, that's our handle, and give the show a follow because that's where you're going to be getting lots of updates on the show, we are going to be sharing some very special episodes. In the meantime, as we begin to talk about the next chapter of what brave by design is. My focus is always on helping women rise, it is always on helping you achieve, you know what's fulfilling to you, whatever that looks like to you, you know, I think that there's a real misconception in the world that you know, to rise, it has to look a certain way you have to have this type of partner you have to have this type of home, you have to have, you know, all these things around you and the fact is peace of mind clarity, ease and grace and gosh a healthy frickin dose of joy. I think that's really brave. I do I think stepping up every day and saying I'm gonna go and try this thing and I don't know what's gonna happen. That's a life well lived to me anyway. So I want you to enjoy this episode again. Follow us on Instagram The handle is I am braved by design. And in the meantime, you can write to me there. I love to hear from you. And I love when you share these up So it's so thank you. Thank you. Thank you again for all of your support. And without further ado, let's get this episode started. Everyone, welcome to this episode of brave by design, I'm really excited because we're going to have what I hope feels like a fireside chat with a another very successful woman entrepreneur, who is also at a pivot that probably many of us were facing, and I certainly feel that as well. And we're gonna kind of peel back the curtain a little bit more in this episode to talk about that, and I don't want you to miss that. So, in today's episode, I'm speaking with Angela Lucier. She is an award winning speaker seven time author, two time TEDx presenter and CEO and founder of speaker sisterhood, the number one resource for public speaking training for women. She's also the host of the claim to stage podcast, which I was recently on, go find that episode, guys. You're gonna love it. It is the number one rated show on the inspiring podcast lists. What? by Forbes in 2017. Holy guacamole. Angela, that is crazy. Her work has been featured on ABC, NBC, Forbes, Virgin, the today's show and our her motto, stop waiting. Start creating. Angela, welcome back. Or welcome in. Thank

Unknown: 6:26

you.

Laura Khalil: 6:28

Yeah, you know, we all have these beautiful BIOS, we are such accomplished women, you I mean, we read that and it's like, holy shit. Like this person is a big deal. Take us inside what it is actually like to live behind that persona?

Angela Lussier: 6:49

Well, it's funny, because as you were reading my bio, I was thinking to myself, I don't even know that person anymore. It's so confusing to me to hear those accomplishments, and the recognition from media outlets, and look at my life today and say, How did all that happen? And how am I going to keep that going? Because life feels so different these days? Yeah, so I don't know.

Laura Khalil: 7:18

This is literally how we started in like, what we got on the zoom. I was like, so how are you? Angela's like, I don't know.

Unknown: 7:25

It's like, Oh, this

Laura Khalil: 7:26

is gonna be really interesting.

Unknown: 7:29

Can't wait.

Laura Khalil: 7:33

But I love this, because this is the conversation that I feel women entrepreneurs are not having. And we have gone through just with the pandemic, such Titanic shifts, for many of us our business there on March 15, of 2020. I was like, uh, I think we might have a problem with the public speaking. March 26, Michigan shut down. And I was like, Okay, I think my career is over. I have to figure out how to deal with this, because it has not come back and a little bit about what's been going on for you. Yeah,

Angela Lussier: 8:19

I remember this time last year, looking at the projections of how long we would be, you know, sheltering in place and trying to avoid social events, and thinking to myself, What am I going to do? How am I going to build a public speaking business or continue building it and also promote my public speaking clubs when no one can meet face to face. So we quickly pivoted and put all of our public speaking clubs online, and now they all meet via zoom. So that was a relatively easy transfer to, you know, just kind of keeping the same format for the meetings, but in a different place. And then when it came to my public speaking career, I thought, I'm gonna have to look elsewhere for income because we can put some of those online, but some of them were conferences, some of those were events. They're not the same as going to a corporation and doing a training for an afternoon. So it was a lot of making phone calls, having conversations deciding what's the best thing should we hold off? Should we keep it going? And, you know, by December of this year, I had no speaking gigs, planned. There was nothing on the calendar for showing up anywhere online. And it was just like, everything had just gone away. And I had to rethink how I was going to build my business.

Laura Khalil: 9:32

Let's just take a breath, like everyone like, like, Oh my gosh, it's so I just want to acknowledge for people who are listening, who are singing, the people who appear to be really well, showing all the, you know, bright side of business, who aren't talking about these incredible losses and incredible shifts that are not Totally figured out, you know, this American success story, especially as we always figure it out. And it's not always happening overnight, sometimes it takes time. Where are you now with the business?

Angela Lussier: 10:16

Well, in December, I hired a business coach and marketing agency to help me put together online courses and try to offer more information and education for women who wanted to build their speaking skills online. And they sent me on this wild goose chase, kind of trying to put all of this content together and build a whole affiliate marketing program and build automation into my email sequences. And I was just like approving copy from a copywriter, you know, three times a week and improving graphics and improving social media posts and moving at the speed of light trying to keep up with this plan that they had put together for me. And I'd say about five weeks ago, I just realized I was so burnt out. And I was so frustrated with the fact that I felt like I lost control of my business, and was trying to follow the direction of these experts, and really wasn't seeing the results from all of the work we were doing. I felt like if I trusted them, and I did what they said, to do that my business would all of a sudden magically get right back on track. And that was not the magic pill that was promised, it ended up just making me feel miserable. I had the worst results of anything I've done in business in years. And I have launched a lot of online courses on my own writing the copy myself putting the content together. And they've those courses, I've generated 1000s of dollars. And the last launch I had in March, three people signed up for the course. So I decided I was going to take a step back and fire everybody. Yeah. And just decide like, I'm going to take a break from trying to force things to happen and force myself to build a business during a time when everyone is pretty exhausted, everyone is struggling everyone is trying to reinvent and rethink what they're doing. And just like hit pause, and like you said in my bio, my motto is stop waiting, start creating. So I've lived by that motto for a long time, like, almost 20 years. And the reason I live by that motto is because I find that the lessons come when you start the action, the lessons and the information doesn't come from thinking it comes from moving forward. And then you can you know, you can get the information from the experimentation. But right now, I don't feel like experimenting, I don't feel like making anything, I feel like I need to just like sit with myself and have a moment to just just be here. And I'm not good at just being here. So it's very uncomfortable to not be doing and to not be moving the ball forward like an entrepreneur should be doing. And so I'm just kind of like watching movies and cooking and cleaning my house and hanging out with my son and doing yard work. That's my life right now.

Laura Khalil: 13:03

Awesome. fab fabulous. Yeah, I love it, you know, quote from Joseph Campbell, who is one of my big inspirations. And he I couldn't find the exact quote I was looking for found another one I'll read. There is, I think a lot of value in allowing yourself to pause Nikita fig pen on your show. And I've had her on brave by design a couple times. And her whole motto is permission to pause. And I think that for you and me, and many people who are listening to this who are watching people who are seemingly doing so well and just going gangbusters and thinking well, is anybody having trouble right now? Is anybody confused? Is anybody waiting? Is anybody in a holding pattern? The answer is yes. We're there with you, too. We feel it as well. I have to say I did a something kind of similar to you. About a year and a half ago, two years ago, I decided to hire a firm to help me launch a course. And it was frenetic and insane. And among the most stressful periods of my life. And it resulted in zero sales. And I was so embarrassed. And I was so upset. And I felt like I had to put my head between, you know, my tail between my legs and sort of scamper off because I didn't believe similar to you how I had allowed my personal brand to be taken out of my control. And with nothing to show I really, really resonate with that story.

Angela Lussier: 14:56

So looking back at it now to what you attribute that lack of sales to

Laura Khalil: 15:03

you know, I don't believe my philosophy is it's not, you know, all their fault. I think that the problem, we co created the problem, we also can go create solutions. But the problem we co created, in my opinion was that we did not have clear enough messaging, we did not have a clear enough target market. And I mean, a really specific target market. That was kind of a moving target. And those are the biggest things. You know, I think there's littler things in there. But I don't think you have to get everything perfect. But that probably for me, the biggest problem was there was just not enough clarity on who we were reaching in the messaging, a little muddled, I've heard said and I say frequently as cash loves clarity. And if it's not clear, people aren't going to buy. What for you, do you think was the challenge? I

Angela Lussier: 16:01

think a lot of it came down to messaging, but not that it wasn't clear, I think it was clear, but it was not my voice. It wasn't the voice that my audience was used to hearing, it was more of a sales tone. Whereas I take more of a, hey, here's my story. I do a lot of storytelling. And I do a lot of like pointing to stories from the members and other students and what they've learned and how they've benefited from the work. And this was much more like scarcity driven. And you better, you know, buy your ticket now. And you don't wanna miss out. And what if all your friends are doing and you're not it was a lot of that fear based marketing, which I don't think really works that well. And I don't think my audience appreciated it.

Laura Khalil: 16:46

Right. But you know, that's one of like, the tactics that Cialdini talks about of influence, right is scarcity. So it's, it's such an easy lever for marketers to pull. But if it doesn't, I guess bring authentic to the audience of like, what happened to Angela? Yeah, this doesn't sound like her. Yeah.

Angela Lussier: 17:02

And we sent out probably 10 emails to promote each of the courses that we put out over the last three months, and nobody responded, like, people would hit reply on my newsletters all the time. And on all of those emails, no one was responding to them. Like they must know that these are not coming from me, you know, it was really interesting.

Laura Khalil: 17:22

That's like a whole. So it's this whole sort of authenticity, this question on authenticity, and so you're not working with them anymore. Now? Is it primarily just you and your company? Or do you have a team?

Angela Lussier: 17:37

At the moment? It's just me, I do have a podcast editor. And then I have a whole is a bunch of club leaders who are all licensed licensees. Yeah, but I don't have like a full time staff or anything. Yeah.

Laura Khalil: 17:50

And that's probably why it felt so intimate is because they know it's you there. I mean, this, even this conversation, this tone of this conversation is our audience will know, is so different. From the regular brave by design, this is very intimate in a way that we're not usually on the show, which I kind of like, but it's also kind of scary. But I also think people coming back saying, whoa, that's pretty badass. She really put it out there.

Angela Lussier: 18:24

Well, last week, I sent out a newsletter for the first time in five or six weeks, and I shared, Hey, I know you haven't heard from me in a while. Here's why I'm taking a break. And I'm re evaluating and rethinking everything and tinkering. And I feel like I made a big mistake with that last few months of work, and I want to be more thoughtful. And that email got such a huge response. And the response was, thank you for sharing this. I feel the same way right now with my work. I'm feeling stuck, I'm feeling frustrated. I'm feeling like I have no direction and knowing that you're in that same place as giving me comfort. And so what that says to me is more of these conversations need to be happening. And we need to be more honest about these struggles. Because we can't all act like it's all fine. What's wrong with you? Why aren't you completely crushing it right now? Like me? It's like no, the world. It's kind of hard to be in right now. So let's just honor that.

Laura Khalil: 19:16

So like, it's kind of interesting, because do you think I'm trying to think for our audience, people who are listening, we're like, well, I'm in this situation. I don't know what to do. How are you finding more joy through the paws? Well,

Angela Lussier: 19:32

I tend to overthink everything. Do you do this?

Laura Khalil: 19:36

Probably.

Angela Lussier: 19:38

I never used to talk about the overthinking because I think it was just always happening. So I didn't even really notice it. And then one day I became aware of how many times a day I was thinking about the same problem I was trying to solve. And actually my therapist brought it to my attention. And then I started talking to my friends saying Do you overthink things and basically, everyone I talked to was like, yeah, that's part of being an artist, that's part of being a business owner is just like obsessively thinking about the things you're making all the time. So what I'm trying to do is not overthink, I'm trying to do the opposite of that and just be in the flow of the day. And so what that requires is for me to come up with activities to do and things to do that keep my brain occupied. Otherwise, I'll really quickly slip into overthinking. So I'll do an art project like last night, I decided I was going to think up a children's book and I grabbed some paper and I just folded it in half, and like, you know, six or seven sheets, and I wrote a children's book about a mouse that had never left town before. And he always saw the same 11 rolling hills, the same six trees and the same Outlast every single day. And then one day decided to go over the 12th Hill, and it was about what he found on the other side.

Unknown: 20:48

That

Angela Lussier: 20:51

was just a fun thing. It took me a couple hours, I used my colored pencils and my markers. But doing stuff like that takes me way outside of my everyday life. You know, writing a children's book is not something I need to do for work, it's not a task on my to do list. It's something that I tried to do intentionally to put myself in a different creative space to let myself have different thoughts than I normally have. Because when you have different thoughts, then that can lead to different outcomes. And that can lead to different paths and journeys. So I've been trying to go on more walks with friends, I find that even though I'm an introvert, and I'm sort of an internal processor, when I'm able to explain to friends, what I'm doing and why all of a sudden different things emerge from my mouth than I would have thought of on my own. So having lots of friend time has been important. And of course, there's limited options right now. So most of it is just going for a walk in the woods, going for a walk down the street and meeting on my porch. That's the extent of that. also doing a lot of cooking. Oh, wow.

Laura Khalil: 21:52

That's fabulous as well. You know, as you were talking about doing things different, and the children's book immediately made me think of the artists way by Julia Cameron, have you done that?

Angela Lussier: 22:06

have not done the whole thing. But I know of a lot of the different assignments in there.

Laura Khalil: 22:11

I did it around this time last year, when my speaking career evaporated, and I was like, oh, what do we do now. And I got through probably like six weeks of it. And then I was like, I did some of the writing, but I stopped doing her exercises. But I found it really, for the overthinking and over analyzing and for like you call it overthinking I kind of call it like looping or spiraling is sort of how it really negatively manifests in me. And for that stuff, getting it on paper. And for our listeners, what she does is she recommends you every morning, do three handwritten pages of just stream of consciousness garbage, whatever the hell out of you're just from the pen to the paper doesn't need to make sense. Don't look at it again. I found that really helpful to get that junk out of my head. So I love how there's all these different, you know, strategies?

Angela Lussier: 23:15

Yeah, writing is definitely always helpful for me. And I often say it's funny because I run a public speaking company, but I think I'm a better writer than speaker. Like, I'm just gonna say this openly, writing just comes easier to me. And I enjoy sitting down and like having a blank sheet of paper in front of me and a pencil that's just been sharpened in my hand. But there's just something so like inviting about that. And so I don't know, it's just like, you can do whatever you want on the page. I love it.

Laura Khalil: 23:46

I love that too. One of my core beliefs is that nothing is destroyed without something simultaneously being created at the same time. I think those creation destruction processes are happening. And I think the problem is just like, with a female baby that's gestating in the womb, we can't always see it at the beginning. Like you don't always realize it's happening. But it's starting to happen. Something is starting shift when something has died, and one of the questions I always ask myself, is what's been growing what's been created out of the destruction? And I want to ask you, what do you feel has been coming up what what has been renewed in your life? What are the beautiful things that have been born amidst this loss and the chaos?

Angela Lussier: 24:42

It's a great question. One thing I uncovered in therapy last year is that I am a workaholic. And I'm also a codependent. So I started going to workaholics anonymous and codependents anonymous on zoom. And, you know, started reading the books and learning more about it. What was motivating me, and a lot of what was motivating me at work was wanting to fill my time and feel worthy. Like if I'm being productive, then I'm contributing, and I'm worthy of being alive. And then on the codependent side, it was a lot about trying to prove to other people that I care about them, trying to prove to them that I'm someone that they should spend time with. And like, and so when I, when I got to recognize that those are my motivators, I started to try to work on that and try to, you know, let more love into my life and less fear. And so I would say that now, in the absence of being motivated by fear at work, I'm now more motivated by the desire to create something meaningful, I'm, I'm really motivated to be present in my day, and not just try to get through it and say, Wow, I just knocked off 15 things on my to do list in four hours. I'm a freakin superhero. Like, that was always my thing before. But I think what I'm doing is creating space now for myself to just show up as an adult who's not worrying all day long about not being good enough, but instead, trying to be a leader in my organization, and show up for myself show up for my members show up for my audience in a way that feels like true service. And not like, if I don't deliver, everyone's gonna hate me. It's such a shift. It's all internal. So people probably won't know. I don't talk about that much. But I see it. And I think that's another thing that's really motivating this pause is giving myself the time to sit with this new version of myself that wants to show up in business and in my life, in a way that just feels more life giving and less soul crushing.

Laura Khalil: 26:48

Yeah. Which is big. I love that you're reminding me a lot of an episode we did with a guy named buck Dodson on perfectionism, and how it relates to loneliness, worthiness and also codependency. And what really struck me as you were talking, was this whole thing about the to do list? Because I have certainly experienced, I mean, I think most of us in Western society have have, if I'm checking it off, I'm doing good, I am good. You know, we kind of get confused by saying, hey, you're worthy. Whether or not you decide to spend the day, sitting in bed eating ding dongs and smoking weed, or getting up and doing your to do list or anything in between, you're still worthy. As a human being, it's not dependent. We don't get that message very often.

Angela Lussier: 27:53

No, especially not in the entrepreneurial culture. It's all about hustle. And the harder you work, the more you care. And if you're not showing up for the people, you say you care about them, what are you doing, you're not a real entrepreneur, there's a lot of programming that is just ramping in all of the, you know, Entrepreneur Magazine, ink everywhere, it's everywhere. And that's the message that's constantly reinforced, especially in this field of being a business owner. And it's like, it's so sexy to be an entrepreneur now and to be committed to your work in a way that's so unhealthy. Right. And I really want to change that conversation. And I don't know if that's something I want to, you know, make my new platform or not. But I do think that a lot of people could benefit from creating a less lopsided pie in their life of like, you know, how much of your life is work, like for your livelihood, and how much of it is for you. And I would say, two years ago, my life was 90% work. And the relationships I had were mostly around work. They were people I worked with, or new networking contacts or clients, members, and I would occasionally see my family, but it was like, Oh, I haven't talked to them in a month. So I should probably, yeah, just see how they're doing.

Laura Khalil: 29:16

Guys, you guys alive?

Angela Lussier: 29:17

Yeah, exactly. It was kind of like that. And I never really got to build depth with people because I was always so focused on work. And now I'm working really, I don't want to say the word work. I'm really focused on trying to build relationships with people and show up in friendships in a different way now, because I want to make work less of my life and be a person who is experiencing the world in a different way.

Laura Khalil: 29:45

Angela, I love that. It makes me think about like, when is it enough and what is enough? Like? You peel a layer back and you say why am I doing this? Why am I really putting myself through this crazy schedule? Is it? Because I have built a life that has filled with so many expenses? That I have to maintain it? Is it? Because I don't think I'm anything without it? Is it a combination? You know, like, what is driving that? And to your point, I think a lot of times, that fear of being without that fear of being without financially, socially, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, is what drives people instead of a question I know that you and I have talked about on your show, which is, well, what do I want more? Like, what would I actually love for this day to be? How would I love like, and maybe I don't even know, like, what if I just follow the things that feel really good and nurturing to me? And maybe they have something to show me?

Angela Lussier: 31:04

Yeah. I love that. And that was kind of the genesis of the book last night, just eating dinner and thinking, I really want to put something together, what would that look like? And then just closing my eyes for a few minutes and imagining this mouse walking over rolling hills? And I was like, that's it. That's my night.

Laura Khalil: 31:25

And guess what? It's totally fine. Yeah. Like, why not? No, great. And it's not an also I just want to say like, it doesn't become worthy, because now you have to sell it, or monetize it, or capitalize off it, which is this other thing we talked about is like, well, if I have an idea, how do I make money off that? Yes, here's why do you just go do something and have fun with it? And enjoy the process? Maybe never make a dime off of it? And that's fine. That's what kids do all the time. Why does it only have value if you make money off of that?

Angela Lussier: 32:05

No, I always had that desire to turn everything into a business. I don't know where that came from. But the more I've thought about my workaholism, in the last six months, I've realized I've had a deep fear of being left behind, or being left out. So when you're a leader, you're in the front. And you can't be left behind because everyone's following you. But if you're not a leader, then everyone could leave. And then where are you by yourself. And that's my biggest fear is just being left alone. So yeah, I actually love spending time by myself, but I don't want to be left behind. That's an abstract concept being left behind, because it's like everyone just packs up and leaves town.

Laura Khalil: 32:48

Yeah, it's really interesting, because you're not the first person I know, to say that, to have a fear of being left behind. Is it a fear of being like forgotten?

Unknown: 33:00

Yeah.

Laura Khalil: 33:01

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So

Angela Lussier: 33:03

I've worked really, really, really, really hard not to be forgotten. And that, you know, I look back at my old self, and I think, I feel sad. I feel sad for her that she worked that hard to do that. And it's like, you read the bio, and it's like seven books. And I'm like, yeah, that's a lot of fear of being forgotten.

Laura Khalil: 33:30

We have a new bio for Angela Angela, who had a long standing fear of being forgotten is on the show today.

Angela Lussier: 33:38

That's my new bio. I love it. Yeah. And she has spent at least 12 hours staring at the cherry blossoms in front of her house this week. So that's,

Laura Khalil: 33:47

that's the new bio accomplishments. She has a burgeoning children's book. Yeah, she likes cherry blossoms, no, whatever. And going on walks in the park talking to friends on her porch. Cooking. Wouldn't that be? Isn't that but I mean, like, listen to that, like you talk about that. And that's the life that everyone is so desperate for.

Unknown: 34:13

Yeah. I like that way better.

Angela Lussier: 34:18

I also want to add to my bio that I've finally bought a pizza stone this weekend, and I've been wanting to make pizza on a pizza stone for nine years. So that's part of my bio to tonight, I am making pizza on my pizza stone that I've wanted for nine years.

Laura Khalil: 34:34

I hope I'm having pizza tonight too. And I'm playing board games with my friends, which is what we do most Wednesday nights. And I have never been happier, you know, at the risk of alienating the entire audience right now. One of the things that I have loved about this pandemic, is that I don't have to see everyone. Yeah. And as much as there are people who I really do miss. The focus on being able to really focus on a few friendships has been such a gift, in a weird way of being like God, I love all the time I've been able to spend with my close friends. And I love how I've been able to cultivate those relationships in ways. I don't think I would have before. And I hope that others feel that way too about their experiences during this because I know it can be I mean, I live alone. I know it can be very, very lonely, and challenging. And we're also kind of coming to a light at the end of the tunnel. In terms of vaccinations across the country, so we're feeling a lot of us are feeling the sense of like, oh, things are gonna be shifting. Angela, are you and I gonna get left behind looking at the cherry blossoms? My family? Maybe we will?

Unknown: 36:00

I don't think we will.

Laura Khalil: 36:02

I think we're going to be our

Angela Lussier: 36:03

Well, I'd like to think that we're going to be exactly where we need to be not left behind, not out in front, just where we are. And that feels really good.

Laura Khalil: 36:13

And what if you're in front of some people leading them and you're behind others?

Angela Lussier: 36:18

At all times? Good, too, because then you're in the pack? Yeah.

Laura Khalil: 36:21

Yeah. You know, I think that people listening to this conversation may be thinking, Well, what do I do? Where do I go? And I think I even hesitate to ask you to give advice. Because I don't think there are any answers here. I think there's questions, curiosity, and opening to explore. How would you address people who may be listening now thinking, I don't know what to do with this? Where do I go with this?

Angela Lussier: 36:52

My best advice is pay attention to your impulses. When you override an impulse, and instead say, No, I should be doing this. That's your red flag to back up and say, Wait, what did I just erase? What was that impulse that I deleted, in order to do the thing that something told me I shouldn't be doing? Because when we erase our desire, we miss out on ourselves. And we start living for everybody else. And I found out that that's what I started doing, at some point. And so the last couple weeks have been about noticing my impulses, noticing my desires, noticing if I made a plan with someone, and then the day came that I was supposed to see them and I felt tired thinking about it, I felt like oh, I have to get this over with. That's information for me to make better decisions with my time and to think maybe this friend is actually more draining than life giving. You know, and same with waking up in the morning without a clear agenda. I used to hate the weekends, because I didn't have work to do. And I did not know what to do with myself. I had no hobbies. I had no interests. All I did was work. So when Saturday morning showed up, I'd be like, so stressed out, I didn't know what to do. And I would just start doing chores and errands and I would start making up things I had to do like, well, I should clean out the basement because I haven't done that in two years. And it's like I couldn't just let myself relax because I didn't know how to just sit with myself. So as I'm learning more about how to sit with myself when I wake up in the morning, and I have nothing that I have to do, like what do I feel like doing? Do I feel like going for a hike? Or am I just making myself think I need to exercise because I should be exercising? So it's like a daily kind of check in with not daily like minute to minute check in with myself and getting to know myself better. I can be more clear and intentional about what I'm doing with my work.

Laura Khalil: 38:49

I love it. Angela, where should we send people if they want to get more of this juicy deliciousness from you?

Angela Lussier: 38:59

You can just call me

Unknown: 39:01

Well, that was

Angela Lussier: 39:04

well, I mean my website speaker sisterhood calm has all the information about my clubs and my business. I'm on social media, but I'm not doing much there right now. You can follow me on Instagram at Angela Lucier and I put up like one post a week because I'm trying to just, you know, keep it real, but if you want to talk to me about it, you can email me my email is Angela at speaker sisterhood calm. I'm happy to chat with anyone that wants to rap about it. I will take you out to the cherry blossom tree on zoom and show you what's going on out there because it's amazing.

Laura Khalil: 39:38

Well, I didn't tell the audience this, but Angela lives in the town next to my sister. And I am hell bent right now. I'm getting out there to see her. And you and your co host Joey Hamilton, who by the way is on brave by design this week. So I want to go see it too. I probably won't be cherry blossom. Season. By the time I get there, but whatever.

Angela Lussier: 40:04

Well, maybe you'll get to see the actual cherries.

Laura Khalil: 40:08

Actual cherries. Yeah.

Angela Lussier: 40:09

Oh, not edible, but they're small, the birds like them, okay and up all over my sidewalk but that's fine. I'm in.

Unknown: 40:17

Good girlfriend. Well, thanks for being here.

Angela Lussier: 40:19

Thanks for having me.

Laura Khalil: 40:21

I want to thank you for joining me and remember to subscribe to your favorite app so you can stay up to date, and I would love your review. If you've enjoyed this episode. Please leave a review and comment on Apple podcasts. You can also keep in touch with me online. You can find me on LinkedIn and I'm also on Instagram at force of badassery. All that information will be available in the show notes. Until next time, stay brave